HEAD COACH FIGHT!

It’s a conversation college football fans have every summer. No, it’s not arguing over Heisman Trophy favorites or which team could be a sleeper contender for a Playoff bid, it’s…which head coach would win a fight against all of the other head coaches. Noted online list-maker and shit-stirrer Big Game Boomer recently released his list of top-50 head coaches that would win in a fight and brand new Wisconsin football head honcho Luke Fickell slotted in at No. 1!

Top 50 Head Coaches That Would Win In A Fight pic.twitter.com/4ymfCfnL01

— Big Game Boomer (@BigGameBoomer) August 11, 2023

Wisconsin Football Has a Head Coach That Can Beat Up Your Head Coach.

If you didn’t know, Luke Fickell was an excellent wrestler in his youth and also played defensive line for Ohio State, so his athletic credentials are not in question here. He is also on the right side of 50 (he is 49) for an all-out coach rumble, which definitely has to be taken into account. Lastly, and this is important, he just looks like a scrapper. Everybody has a friend that has the look of a guy who can throw a mean right hook and Fickell would be that in any group.

Now, I’m not sure what sort of qualifications Big Game Boomer used in making his list, but there are very few fight related scenarios among college football coaches where I see Fickell ending up on the losing end. Mano y mano? The leader of the Wisconsin football program is mopping the floor with any of these other clowns.. A Royal Rumble situation? That gives Fickell a little time to rest while others grapple and his wrestling background will clearly come in handy there.

Since he got No. 1 right, let’s break down some more of this list and see if BGB knows coach fighting. Here are a few things I noticed:

• Sam Pittman of Arkansas at No. 2 seems high to me. I think he’s a top-10 guy to be sure, but I wouldn’t put him all the way up in second based on his size alone.
• While Mel Tucker, who is currently stealing money from Michigan State, is too rich to be fighting, I think he could be a formidable opponent due to his impressive scowl.
• Bret Bielema is a lover, not a fighter. Shouldn’t be on the list at all.
• Greg Schiano, the only man who has made Rutgers football respectable in the past 100 years, is clearly a man who doesn’t shy away from a fight. His potential mob connections make him all the more dangerous tbqh.
• Trent Dilfer would only win a fight if the 2000 Ravens defense was there with him.
• PJ Fleck and Jim Harbaugh should fight each other for real. America is the real winner in that scenario.
• Biff Poggi is a junkyard cat. I wouldn’t want to fight him ever.
• If Ohio State’s defense is any indication of Ryan Day’s fighting ability, I would take my 2-year old nephew, who says “night night” like a pro wrestler before tackling his older brother, over him.

Next up, I’d like to see Top 50 Head Coaches That Would Win At Bags. Wisconsin football would’ve been No. 1 last year with Paul Chryst at the helm, but I don’t know if Luke Fickell would even crack the top-25 there.

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